What’s Your PQ (Parsipanu Quotient)? Take The Quiz!

Are you as Bawa as Bawa can be? Is Parsipanu in your blood, beyond just biology? How deeply entrenched is our Parsipanu ideology in your system? Take this quiz and find out…

Answer the following 25 questions (tick Yes or No) and check out the results:

1. If you’re going for a wedding or a buffet, do you skip a previous meal so you can do ‘dabaavine/afaarine’ justice to the oncoming one? (Y / N)
2. Do you have any close or distant relative living in Canada? (Y / N)
3. Do you want Ratan Tata to take over as the President of India? (Y / N)
4. Do you love dogs and allow your pet on the sofa and the bed? (Y / N)
5. Is food one of the main criteria that can make or break your mood? (Y / N)
6. Do you refer to pretty Parsi girls as ‘fatakris’? (Y / N)
7. Does your house display china/glass crockery in your living room’s showcase? (Y / N)
8. Whenever the discussion turns to Indian politics, is your first statement or thought, “baddha sala chor chhe!” (Y / N)
9. Do you love eating eggs and can welcomingly have them as or with all your meals – breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack? (Y / N)
10. Are you so used to saying or hearing expletives(swearwords) that the only time you don’t get to hear any is when no one’s around? (Y / N)
11. Does it break your heart more to see your pet in pain, as compared to a family member or friend? (Y / N)
12. On all auspicious occasions, do you do chok-toran-teeli-har-nariyal with ses, as per the chogaryu (auspicious time-slots) printed behind the Parsi Calender? (Y / N)
13. Do you feel genuine, heartfelt pity for vegetarians? (Y / N)
14. Is there a teeny-weeny part of you hoping that since Britain is exiting the European Union (Brexit), it will return to India? (With the Queen, of course!) (Y / N)
15. On days with multiple invites for lagans/navjots, where you can go for only one, would a large part of that decision be based on who the caterer is? (Y / N)
16. Do you adhere to traffic rules in general?(Y / N)
17. Are you able to have a hearty laugh at your own idiosyncrasies? (Y / N)
18. Do you feel a slight but nagging jab of guilt if you miss saying your regular prayers? (Y / N)
19. As regards the hoopla surrounding the ‘Parsi Peg’ – do you believe that a lesser level of alcohol in the glass is nearly insulting? (Y / N)
20. Do you refuse to pull the plastic covering off the new car seats (or furniture) and rather it wore off on its own? (Y / N)
21. Do you always have an opinion on all things… or most? (Y / N)
22. Do you believe that life is meant to be enjoyed, celebrated and filled with happiness and laughter? (Y / N)
23. For women: Are you consumed by thoughts of your ‘gangubai’ more than that of your husband/boyfriend? (Y / N)
24. For men: When it’s you, your wife/girlfriend, and your car/bike – do you feel ‘three’s a crowd’? (the‘third’ reference being your wife/girlfriend, of course!)?
25. Do you crib about the ‘koyla naataks’ but never miss out on one on Navroze?(Y / N)

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Results: Count the total number of ‘Y’s (Yeses) scored. If you’ve scored:
Less Than 7 Ys: Low PQ Alert!!! You’ve probably been illegally smuggled into the Parsi sect! You need the Parsipanu vaccination ASAP! We suggest a daily diet of ‘everything-Per-Eeda’ and ‘everything-Ma-Ghos’ for all meals, downed daily with two ‘Parsi Pegs’ of your favourite alcohol. If you’re a man, do remember to take apart your car/bike or any electronic device at home on Sundays. If you’re a woman, enroll in Shiamak Davar’s dance class. Your PQ should rise exponentially in a couple of months.

Between 8 Ys–15 Ys: Just about Average PQ! You’re there, but not quite. But we’re here to help. We recommend you youtube and watch Zubin Mehta’s concerts every Monday, Wednesday and Friday; and the ‘Dudh Ma Sakhar’ series on Doordarshan every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday, for three hours a day. On Sundays, visit a few Baugs and see if you’re able to make any sense of the ongoing banter. There should be a gradual rise in your PQ within a few weeks.

Over 16 Ys: You’re the Einstein of PQ, the pride of our community! You need no directionor guidance! You unapologetically epitomize the essence of Parsipanu! You’re Bawa and you know it! Kudos!